July 20th. Initially I thought I would check-in to my hotel, unpack and casually write my journal on the Dell...HA! My laptop, modem and whatever else could cause problems-did. So here I stand at the front desk of a hotel using their computer to send this off. Thank goodness the owner was helpful. Hopefully my husband will get the Dell working and can stay awake long enough to bring it to me. My thoughts are numerous and bounce around my mind like a superball playing havoc with my emotions. My son and I have not had the opportunity to do much bonding this summer. He is 13 and close to the age where he would rather NOT bond with a parent. Perhaps there is still time. My husband was knocked off his feet when he realized the time for the swim had come and too quickly. My second daughter and I parted negatively. It is so difficult to be human. No wonder why so many people strive or pretend to be above humanness. Thank God we have teenagers to keep reminding us. In addition, as I begin my 4th leg, I once again wonder, "why" and "is it making a difference". Why? Because the river is an incredible blessing full of gifts and beauty and life. If we give up on her, we give up on ourselves. If she goes...we go. I cannot do that. I think about the thousands of men, women, and children that gave their lives, some in horrendous fashion, to give us the "easy life" we have today. (And in comparison, it is an easy life.) I think of the men and women that left the safety of their homeland to trek off to war never to see their home again because of their dedication and conviction to the United States constitution. If they were looking down on us now, would they be grateful for giving their lives so we can enjoy what we have? I wonder. Many may think the battle is over-it is never over. Some may quit fighting and melt into their furniture in front of the TV without a thought to the sacrifices of our forefathers allowing ingnorance and apathy to consume thier chance for a purposeful life. But I cannot do that. My heart aches for the pain of our forefathers, and I am consumed with guilt. I believe swimming the Tennessee and fighting her battle eases that pain and fulfills a part of my responsiblity as an American. It feels right, and the Tennesse is deserved. (I may have made that word up.) Am I making a differance? Many thanks to the man from Huntsville that emailed me to say, "Thanks" and inform me he would be keeping up with my swim. And thanks to my brother Kirk for sharing my river journey with homebuilders who are now more concerned about their use of pesticides and herbicides. And thanks to Spongebob Squarepants for reminding me to always be positive and to disregard the remarks of those who do not understand you or your passions. For God so loved the World...take care of it mimi