July 5th. Journal Entry for July 5, 2003 Perhaps I have waited too long to begin journaling and nobody is listening, but professional development is a must for teachers and can easily consume a summer! After a month of schooling to further develop my teaching skills, I am left feeling over-developed and undertrained. Undertraining is a worry experienced every year, and the questions I ask myself are always the same: Did I swim enough yardage? Did I run enough miles? Those are the physical concerns. Then there are the mission concerns. Did I reach enough people? Did I educate myself enough? Did I become more environmentally responsible? And then there is the spiritual concern. Did I trust enough? That is the toughest question of all and the answer that ultimately determines the response to the rest of them. For if I trusted enough in my higher power, the rest falls appropriately in to place. Have you ever been too tired to trust? Too busy? Too frustrated? Too fearful? It is so difficult to do, trust. When I jump into the most beautiful river - TheTennessee- on 8:00 am, Monday, July 14th; trust will be there, must be there. Trust in God, trust in humanity, and trust in myself. Yesterday, we had a 400 meter kick to do as part of our workout. A friend was kicking with me and was terribly sad. She had looked sad during our swim workout the day before, and the day before that. Each day I asked, "Why are you so sad?" Each time she made a broad statement about just having a bad day. Yesterday I asked for the third time, "Why are you so sad?" This time she explained. She said she was disappointed in people. Everywhere she looked she saw disrespect and irresponsibility towards the environment and humanity. It was more than she could accept and was tearing at her faith. Her words touch me deeply because it was a sadness I continually have to contend with to keep optimistic. It is a sadness a majority of people have to overcome or succumb to a life of bitterness and sadness. As human beings, we have the ability to make choices. We can look at the people whose greed, selfishness, and arrogance results in the degradation of our environment- the Tennessee. Or we can look at those responsible, caring people who choose respectful, responsible dominion over our environment. I once read that 1% of the population promotes evil and 1% promotes good. The other 98% just exist and go with the flow of whoever is pulling the hardest. It is kind of a good/evil tug of war. If we choose to look at the greedy lot and lose faith in the good, then we are sure to lose. When you feel that bad 1% is winning then it is time, more than ever, to focus on the good. It is time to focus on those people that are on your team and to pull all that much harder. So, no matter what my weaknesses are today, on July 14th I will jump into the blessed Tennessee River with a heart and mind full of trust, and with every swim stroke I take, I will be pulling for those people out there that believe in the good, the responsible, and the faithful. Pulling for a better river and a better life for our children. "For God so loved the World"...take care of it. mimi